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11/19/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17755
There was a group of elderly women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.
The old women were asked,
‘How many of you love your husbands?’
All the old women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, ‘When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?’
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn’t remember.
The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husband: I love you, sweetheart.
Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?
2. What now? Did you crash the car again?
3. I don’t understand what you mean?
4. What did you do now? I won’t forgive you this time!!!
5. ????
6. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
7. Am I dreaming? ???????
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today…!!!
9. I asked you not to drink anymore.!
Last one is ultimate
10. Who is this?
11/18/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17752
Husband to Wife:
Tomorrow is your birthday. What gift would you like ?
Wife: A giraffe !
Husband: Darling, please be reasonable. Where do I get a giraffe from? Ask for something that is possible.
Wife: Ok, then give up drinking. That you can do and I’ll accept it as a good gift.
So next day……
He Brings The Giraffe for her.
11/17/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17747
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said,
“Johnny, what is the matter?”
Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
11/16/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17742
With all the new technology regarding fertility,
An 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently:
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” One of them asked.
“Not yet.” Said the mother.
“I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Another half-hour passed before another relative asked.
“May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet.” Said the mother.
A while later and again the guests asked.
“May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet.” Replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked.
“Well, when can we see the baby?”
“When it cries.” She told them.
“When it cries?” They gasped.
“Why do we have to wait until it cries?”
“Because I forgot where I put it.”
11/15/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17738
An elderly guy gets pulled over by a speed cop as he’s doing 80mph in a 30mph zone.
The guy winds his window down as the cop approaches him and says
“I’m really sorry officer I know I was speeding but there is a good reason”.
The officer retorts “I’ve heard all the good reasons and I’ll listen but I know I’ll end up arresting you”.
So the guy starts; “Do you see that woman in the passenger seat”?
The officer looks and sees this stone faced woman glaring at him with fire in her eyes and nods to say he can see her.
The guy then says “ Can you also see the woman in the back seat”?
The officer looks to see an older even more stone faced version of the first woman, again with fire in her eyes.
He nods in acknowledgement to the driver again.
The driver then says
“the woman in the passenger seat is my wife and the woman in the back is her mother who came to stay with us for 3 weeks 9 months ago”.
“This morning they had a massive argument and vowed never to speak to each other ever again”.
“So the reason I’m speeding is to get my mother in law back to her house as quickly as possible before they make up”
The officer looks at the driver, nods and says
“Shit I didn’t know it was an emergency, I’ll radio ahead to get the road clear and put my siren and flashing lights on,you follow me and we’ll get her home before that happens”.