Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Ann had gotten a job in a collections department. She had to call all the delinquent customers, asking for payment, while still being courteous. After working there for a few months, she had become quite good at her job but realized that many of these customers were routinely delinquent. One man in particular had to be called every month and during this conversation with him, he interrupted her little speech and asked, “Excuse me, are you available?”

Ann quickly replied, “Not as long as your name comes up on my computer screen.”

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.

While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. “Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. “No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!” “Don’t worry about it.” the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

“What’s the matter, son,” asked his mother.

“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “It’s my grades. They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean ‘all wet?'”

“I mean,” he replied, “below C-level.”

Two Englishmen walking through the woods with a large Salmon under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal.

“Hey there’s some wonderful salmon, where did you get them?”

“Don’t tell anyone,” replied the Englishmen, “but we poached them out of the river.”

“How did you do that?” asked Donal

“Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream, he just catches them.”

“We’ll try that Michael me boy.” says Donal

They get to the bridge and Donal hangs Michael over the edge of the bridge by his legs, after about twenty minutes Michael screams…

“Quick pull me up, pull me up!”

“Have you got a salmon?” asks Donal,

“No,” replies Michael “but there’s a train coming.”

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him.

“Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280 interstate. Please be careful!”

“It’s not just one car,” said Herman. “It’s hundreds of them!”