06/05/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8430
Daily Joke: Protecting the Garden en Espanol
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk. The policeman noticed this and stopped her, and said, “Madam, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”
“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them.. Thanks for telling me officer.”
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?” “Oh, no, no”, said the old lady.
“You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, “Why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, “OK., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.”
“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Not everybody pays.”
06/04/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8429
Daily Joke: Mailman's Last Day en Espanol
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”
He said, “Screw him, give him a dollar.”
The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”
He said, “Screw him, give him a dollar.”
The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”
06/03/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8428
Daily Joke: Poor Aim en Espanol
A businessman and a priest were playing golf. The businessman swung his rod and missed completely . He swore “Bugger it , missed!” . Hearing this , the priest got annoyed .
“Don’t swear like that , my son ” he admonished him. The businessman duly apologized and promised to be more careful. But it happened again the next time he missed. Again the priest admonished him and again he apologised. When it happened for the third time , the priest flew into a rage and told him that if he swore again , God will surely punish him for that.
The businessman , really contrite , promised to behave himself. So he took careful aim and swung his rod..and missed. As he started to say “Bugg..”, there was a loud clap of thunder and a streak of lightning struck the priest dead. Suddenly a voice boomed from the heavens “Bugger it , missed !”.
06/02/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8427
Daily Joke: Chanting by the Road en Espanol
There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting “88, 88, 88, 88…”
A blonde came up to her and said, “That looks like fun, can I try?”
The brunette said, “Sure.”
So the blonde chanted, “88, 88, 88, 88..”
“Well,” said the brunette, “that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street.”
So the blonde said, “OK.” and stood in the middle of the street. “88, 88, 88, 88-” BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened.
Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, “89, 89, 89, 89…”
06/01/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8426
Daily Joke: Bad Uncle en Espanol
A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. “What’s up?” he says. “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.
Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
“You rotten bastard,” says the husband, “my wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!!!”
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