Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for three shots of tequila. He looks at them and says “OK” and pours their shots.

They all clink glasses and and yell “51 days!” Then they proceed to slam the shots, looking very self-satisfied.

They look back to the bartender and decide to order another round. This time they pick up the glasses again and, more gleefully yell ” Only 51 days!”

The bartender finally can’t stand wondering what they are talking about and asks them what they mean by Only 51 days.

One of the blondes looks at him and says “Well,” looking very smug. “We “We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It took us Only 51 Days…..and on the box it said 4-7 years”

A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four year old son standing at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought to himself, “Great. He’s four and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and I’ll answer.”

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, “Well son, do you have any questions?”

“Just one,” gasped the still wide-eyed lad.

“How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?”

Two men were drinking in a bar. One of the men who was very drunk said: “I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye.”

The second guy, thought it would be easy taking money from a drunk, so he said: “Okay, you’re on.”

The drunk then took his glass eye out and bit it. And the second guy had to pay the $100.

A while later, the drunk said: “I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye.”

Knowing that the drunk couldn’t possibly have two glass eyes, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to see, the second guy accepted the challenge, confident that he would win his money back.

The drunk promptly took out his false teeth and bit his other eye.

After examining a male patient, a doctor took the man’s wife aside.

“I must be honest with you,” he said in an ominous tone, “I don’t like the looks of your husband.”

“Me neither,” said the wife. “But he brings home a good wage, and he’s great with the kids.” 

A man came home one day and said to his wife: “Honey, what would you do if I said I’d won the lottery?”

She sneered: “I’d take half and then leave you.”

“Excellent,” he replied. “I hit 3 numbers and won $10. Here’s $5, pack your bags and get out.”