Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man was visiting a friend in the hospital. He had recently quit smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he stepped into the elevator. But a woman who was already in the elevator told him firmly: “Sir, there is no smoking in this hospital!”

“I’m not smoking, lady,” replied the man.

“But you have a cigar in your mouth!”

“Yes, and I’m wearing jockey shorts, but I’m not riding a horse!”

Pacing back and forth, a man was getting really anxios about his imminent operation.

His wife asked him: “What’s the matter? Why are you getting so worked up?”

He replied: “I heard one of the nurses say ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be all right.'”

“She was just trying to comfort you,” said his wife. “What’s so frightening about that?”

“She was talking to the surgeon!”

A boxer went to a doctor for treatment of insomnia.

“Have you tried counting sheep?” suggested the doctor.

“It doesn’t work,” replied the boxer. “whenever I get to nine, I stand up!”

Two adjoining barber shops were in a fierce competition.

One put up a sign advertising haircuts for $7.

So the other put up a sign that read: “We repair $7 haircuts”

A minister went to his local golf coarse in the hopes of finding someone to play with. As luck would have it there was a member in the pro shop looking for a game, so they were introduced and headed for the first tee.

The member asked: “What’s your handicap?”

“I’m a twelve said the minister.”

“Me too,” said the member. “Would you like to bet a dollar a hole?”

The minister agreed, and when they had finished their round, they retired to the clubhouse, where the minister solemnly handed over $18. As he parted with the cash, the minister said: “Say, I’d like you to come to the church some time.”

The member replied: “Sure, I’d like that.”

Then the minister added: “And bring your parents, I’d like to marry them.”