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06/03/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17192
A balding, white haired man walked into a jewlery store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.
The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said.
The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated,
‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’
On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said
‘Sir…There’s no money in that account.’
‘I know,’ said the old man…’But let me tell you about my weekend.’
06/02/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17190
Little Johnny was having problems in English class,
so his teacher decided to stop by Little Johnny’s house on her way home.
She wanted to discuss his poor performance directly with his parents:
When she rang the doorbell, Johnny answered.
“Hello Johnny, I’d like to talk to your mother or father.” She said.
“Sorry. but they ain’t here.” He replied.”
She said. “what is it with your grammar?”
“Haven’t got a clue,” Johnny replied.
“But dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!”
06/01/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17187
Two men were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course.
They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said:
“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”
He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining:
“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”
The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said:
“Small world.”
05/31/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17184
It’s a small town and not much happens most days,
so the town newspaper prints pretty much every little story.
But the editor just can’t believe it one day when the new farmer down the road says that his truck ran into a ditch and killed 2,003 pigs.
He sends his reporter out to the farm to check it out.
The reporter pulls up and finds the farmer working on the fence, so he strolls over and says,
“I understand you had a little accident the other day and lost some livestock, is that right?”
The farmer, who seems reluctant to talk, just nods.
“We heard it was 2,003 pigs. Is that right?”
The farmer frowns a bit and nods again.
“That seems incredible. Are you really sure it was 2,003 pigs?”
The farmer starts to look really upset but again just nods his head.
“Well, my editor wanted me to check it out because 2,003 pigs just seem like a lot and…”
At this point, the farmer, now red-faced and steaming, shouts,
“Yeth, yeth! Two thows and three pigth! Now leave me alone!”
05/30/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17181
An old man was sitting in a private box at a major football match with an empty seat next to him:
A young enthusiast saw the empty seat and said to the old man.
“Who on earth has paid for this expensive seat but not turned up they must be mad, do you mind if I sit here?”
The old man sadly looked up and said.
“For 50yrs I and my darling wife have sat together and watched every major final, but unfortunately she has passed away so I was unable to come, so you can glady take her place if you like.”
The young man thanked him for his kind generosity and sat beside the old man.
The young man turned to him and said.
“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but as sad as your story is, I have to ask, have you not got any relatives, like a son or grandchild or nephew that you could if brought along with you?”
The old man said.
“Yes, I have, but they’ve all gone to the funeral.