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10/13/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11997
Jokes are great, but there’s nothing like remembering a few hilarious one liners to liven up any conversation!
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies !
What do you call a camal with 3 humps?
Humphreys
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH!
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer
What is invisable and smells like carrots?
A Rabbit’s flatulance.
What is a dogs favourite school subject?
“Dog-Ruff-E ”
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAMn!
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.
Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick
10/12/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11993
A married man decided to work late to be with his young secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.
After work, he invited his secretary to dinner.
It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had sex for two hours.
Afterward, the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.
He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.
After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him.
Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.
Holding his neck with one hand, he said, “Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!”
“Hell, that’s nothing” she answered, ripping open her blouse.
“Look what he did to my breasts!”
10/11/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11990
A minister decided to try something a little different one Sunday morning.
He said, “Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind.”
The pastor shouted out, “Cross!” Immediately the congregation started singing in unison “The Old Rugged Cross.”
The pastor hollered out, “Grace!”
The congregation began to sing “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.”
The pastor said, “Power!”
The congregation sang “There is Power in the Blood.”
The Pastor said, “Sex!”
The congregation fell in total silence.
Everyone was in shock.
They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.
Then all of a sudden, from the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing “Precious Memories.”
10/10/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11988
A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.
He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player.
Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, ‘What happens if this doesn’t work?’
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, ‘GUARANTEE NO SPOILED’.
Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it wouldn’t even switch on.
He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.
When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of the guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, ‘Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.’
10/09/2018 from Daily Jokes
#11984
One day, there were two boys playing by a stream.
One boy went over to the bush to check out some noises.
He pointed out a woman bathing naked in the steam.
So, both boys decided to stay and watch her.
All of a sudden the second boy took off running.
The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend.
Finally, he caught up to him and asked his friend why he had run away.
The second boy said to his friend, “My mum told me that if I ever saw a naked lady, I’d turn to stone.”
“I felt something getting hard, so I ran.”