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03/07/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9369
Daily Joke: For 25 Cents en Espanol
One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.
The thief then went through Murphy’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.
The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.
“Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in me shoe!”
03/06/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9368
Daily Joke: Whoops… en Espanol
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman–already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet–who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bath- room changing out of her hospital gown.”
03/05/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9367
Daily Joke: Barber and Kid en Espanol
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”
03/04/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9366
Daily Joke: Memory Course en Espanol
Seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they sign up for a memory course. The course is wonderful and introduces them to a technique called word/name association. They come home and tell all their relatives, friends, and neighbors about it.
Some months later, a neighbor approaches the man as he tends the garden.
“Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course you liked so much?”
“Well, it was…hmmm…let me think a minute… What’s the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems…?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yeah, that’s it…(shouting toward house) Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor’s name?”
03/03/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9365
Daily Joke: Frying Eggs en Espanol
The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling…
“CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!! MORE OIL!!! TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM NOW!!! WE NEED MORE OIL!!! THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!! CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!! TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!!!! THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!! USE MORE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!!”
The wife was very upset, “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don’t know how to fry an egg?”
The husband calmly replied, “This is to show you what it feels like for me when I am driving and you sit next to me…”
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