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01/12/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9312
Daily Joke: A Noise… en Espanol
My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.
She nudged me and whispered, “Wake up, wake up!”
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they’re eating the tuna casserole I made tonight.”
“That’ll teach them!” I replied.
01/11/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9311
Daily Joke: Tagging Birds en Espanol
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:
Wash. Biol. Surv.
Until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
“Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible.”
The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.
01/10/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9310
Daily Joke: Strange en Espanol
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”
That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:
“That’s Strange!”
01/09/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9309
Daily Joke: Final exam en Espanol
Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.
The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a ________.”
Bill was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.
Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. “Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?”
Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bill. “Bill, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM.”
“Oh yeah,” said Bill. “I remember now.”
He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”
“You are really dumb, Bill. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.”
01/08/2015 from Daily Jokes
#9308
Daily Joke: American In Paris en Espanol
This is a true story. My sister and I spent two weeks in Paris. The locals obviously hated Americans. No matter where we went, we were subject to rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc. After a while it started to irritate us.
One day, in Paris, my sister went shopping. She entered a store and started looking around. She was the only customer in the store. As she was look through the clothes on the rack, a clerk hurriedly approached her and very abruptly asked if he could help her.
My sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she politely declined his help. She continued to look at the clothes. Then she noticed that every clerk in the store was staring at her.
Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When she could take this treatment no longer, she turned on her heels, with her head held high, and left the shop.
As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read “Dry Cleaners.”
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