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07/03/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9119
Daily Joke: Doctors Friend Visit en Espanol
A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room.
But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, “I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.”
“No,” said the doctor calmly, “He’ll be quiet when he gets to the poisons.”
07/02/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9118
Daily Joke: The Harmonica Trial en Espanol
A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.
“My love,” he wrote “we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and there’s really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that we’re constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted? “
So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, “why don’t you learn to play this?”
Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. “Darling” he said, “I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!”
She kissed him and said, “First let’s see you play that harmonica.”
07/01/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9117
Daily Joke: Making Book en Espanol
The Smith family was very proud that their ancestors had come over on the Mayflower, so they hired best-selling author Frank McCourt to look up and write a book about their family history.
Horror of horrors! They discovered that great uncle Fess had died in the electric chair for committing a murder. They were devastated.
They didn’t want that in the book, but they didn’t want to leave him out either.
McCourt said, “Leave it to me.”
When the book came out, the section about Uncle Fess read like this:
“He was a man who occupied a great seat. He was attached to his position very firmly. His death came as a great shock.”
06/30/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9116
Daily Joke: Grocery shopping en Espanol
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her “no.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.”
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, “There, there, Ellen, don’t cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we’ll be checking out.”
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, “Ellen, we’ll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap.”
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen…”
The mother broke in, “My little girl’s name is Tammy… I’m Ellen.”
06/29/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9115
Daily Joke: Assign the punishment en Espanol
Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3’4″, dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, “Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!” And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7′ tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, “Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!” And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.
Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of … Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:
“Cindy, you have sinned.”
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