Find any really funny jokes? Vote for them! When these jokes get a user rating above 3, they move into the general section. Your votes will make our “Best Jokes” section funnier than ever!
06/08/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9094
Daily Joke: Pictures in Driving License en Espanol
When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.
He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”
The clerk looked at his picture closely. “It’s okay,” he reassured the man: “That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”
06/07/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9093
Daily Joke: Hubby and Wife en Espanol
Wife: Oh, come on.
Husband: Leave me alone!
Wife: It won’t take long.
Husband: I won’t be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife: I can’t sleep without it.
Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Wife: Because I’m Hot.
Husband: You get hot at the darkness times.
Wife: If you love me I wouldn’t have to beg you.
Husband: If you love me you’d be more considerate.
Wife: You don’t love me anymore.
Husband: Yes I do, but let’s forget it for tonight.
Wife: (Sob-Sob)
Husband: Alright, I’ll do it.
Wife: What’s the matter? Need a flashlight?
Husband: I can’t find it.
Wife: Oh, for heaven’s sake, feel for it!
Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
Wife: Oh, yes, honey.
Husband: Is it up far enough?
Wife: Oh, that’s fine.
Husband: Now go to bed and from now on when you want the window open, do it yourself.
06/06/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9092
Daily Joke: New Names en Espanol
The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger.
One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. “Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed.
Joseph said, “Write that down, Mary; it’s better than Clyde!”
06/05/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9091
Daily Joke: Pocket en Espanol
A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, gulps it down, looks in his pocket then orders another one.
He gulps that one down, looks in his pocket again, then orders another one.
He does this about 7 or 8 more times when the bartender finally asks, “Every time you finish a drink you look in your pocket. What’s in your pocket?”
The man replies, “Oh… I have a picture of my wife in there. I drink until she looks good, then I go home.”
06/04/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9090
Daily Joke: Expert Surgeon en Espanol
Sam and John were out cutting wood when John cut his arm off. Sam remained calm, wrapped the arm in a plastic bag, and took the arm and John to a surgeon.
“You are in luck,” said the surgeon. “I am an expert in re-attaching limbs. Come back in four hours when I have completed the operation.”
So Sam returned in four hours and the surgeon said, “I did it faster than I expected. Jon is down at the pub.”
Sam rushed down to the pub and was amazed to see John playing darts.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again when John accidentally cut off his leg.
Sam put the leg in a plastic bag and took it and John back to the same surgeon.
“Legs are harder,” said the surgeon, “but I’ll see what I can do – come back in six hours.”
Sam returned in six hours and the surgeon said, “I finished early – John’s playing football.”
Sam went to the field and to his surprise found John kicking 50 meter torpedoes.
A few weeks later, Sam and John were cutting wood again, when John accidentally cut off his own head.
Sam put the head in a plastic bag and took it and the rest of John to the surgeon, confident that the skillful surgeon would do the job.
“Gee, heads are really difficult to re-attach,” the surgeon muttered, “but I’ll see what I can do – come back in 12 hours.”
Sam returned in 12 hours.
“How did it go, Doc?” he asked.
“I’m sorry. John died,” the surgeon replied.
He suffocated in the plastic bag, you idiot!!”
Found this funny?
Receive a joke daily by subscribing below