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11/23/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8895
Daily Joke: Mama’s Gift en Espanol
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said, “I had a big house built for Mama.”
The second said, “I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house.”
The third said “I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.”
The fourth said, “You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.”
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her thank you notes.
“She wrote: “Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”
“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”
“Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.”
“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.”
11/22/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8894
Daily Joke: Collection Department en Espanol
Ann had gotten a job in a collections department. She had to call all the delinquent customers, asking for payment, while still being courteous. After working there for a few months, she had become quite good at her job but realized that many of these customers were routinely delinquent. One man in particular had to be called every month and during this conversation with him, he interrupted her little speech and asked, “Excuse me, are you available?”
Ann quickly replied, “Not as long as your name comes up on my computer screen.”
11/21/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8893
Daily Joke: Looking to buy a frog? en Espanol
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat’s music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. “Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. “No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!” “Don’t worry about it.” the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”
11/20/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8892
Daily Joke: All Wet en Espanol
A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.
“What’s the matter, son,” asked his mother.
“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “It’s my grades. They’re all wet.”
“What do you mean ‘all wet?'”
“I mean,” he replied, “below C-level.”
11/19/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8891
Daily Joke: Large Salmon en Espanol
Two Englishmen walking through the woods with a large Salmon under each arm when they met two Irishmen, Michael and Donal.
“Hey there’s some wonderful salmon, where did you get them?”
“Don’t tell anyone,” replied the Englishmen, “but we poached them out of the river.”
“How did you do that?” asked Donal
“Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream, he just catches them.”
“We’ll try that Michael me boy.” says Donal
They get to the bridge and Donal hangs Michael over the edge of the bridge by his legs, after about twenty minutes Michael screams…
“Quick pull me up, pull me up!”
“Have you got a salmon?” asks Donal,
“No,” replies Michael “but there’s a train coming.”
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