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08/03/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8781
Daily Joke: The Dying Irish Nun en Espanol
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
When she walked back at Mother Superior’s bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
“Mother,” the nuns asked with earnest, “please give us some wisdom before you die.”
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, “Don’t sell that cow.”
08/02/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8780
Daily Joke: Casino Evil en Espanol
At a posh Las Vegas casino, a blackjack dealer and a player with a 13 count in his hand are arguing about whether or not it is appropriate to tip the dealer. The player says, “When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’s fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously has nothing to do with that either, so why should I tip him?”
The dealer replies, “When you eat at a restaurant do you tip the waiter?”
“Yes,” the gambler concedes.
“Well then, he serves you food; whether it’s good or bad isn’t up to him. By the same token, I’m serving you cards, so you should tip me.”
“OK,” says the gambler, “but the waiter gives me what I ask for. I’ll take an 8.”
08/01/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8779
Daily Joke: Attitude en Espanol
A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.
As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride. He said, “Here, put these on.”
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
“I can’t wear your trousers.” she said.
“That’s right,” said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”
With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
“Hell,” he said. ”I can’t get into your panties!”
She replied, “That’s right…and that’s the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes.”
07/31/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8778
Daily Joke: Deaf Genie en Espanol
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, of about 12 inches height, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart.
“Where on earth did you get that ???” asked the surprised bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: “Here. Rub it.”
So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. “I will grant you one wish – just one.”
The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, “I want a million bucks !”
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. Another duck, then another soon follow it. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, “You know, I think your genie’s a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.”
The man replies, “Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist ??? “
07/30/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8777
Daily Joke: Swiss Tourist en Espanol
A Swiss guy visiting Sydney, Australia, pulls up at a bus stop where two locals are waiting.
“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.
The two Aussies just stare at him.
“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.
“Parlare Italiano?”
No response.
“Hablan ustedes Espanol?”
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Aussie turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”
“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”
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