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07/29/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8776

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband’ thought for a moment:
“Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.”

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – the husband became 92 years old.

Funny +74
07/28/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8775

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”

“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

Funny +126
-11 Not Funny
07/27/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8774

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, “Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.”

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

Funny +56
-10 Not Funny
07/26/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8773
Daily Joke: Baby en Espanol

John went to his friend’s house unannounced, and he wanted to spend the night. His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said, “You can sleep on the floor in the living room, or you can sleep in the room with Baby.”

John said that he would prefer the floor.

The next morning he went to the bathroom, and there he met a gorgeous young blond. “Hi,” he said, “who are you?”

“I’m Baby, and who are you?”

“I’m stupid,” he said

Funny +64
-10 Not Funny
07/25/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8772

A young boy asks his Dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential.
Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential!”

Funny +54
-13 Not Funny
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