Find any really funny jokes? Vote for them! When these jokes get a user rating above 3, they move into the general section. Your votes will make our “Best Jokes” section funnier than ever!
07/01/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8751
Daily Joke: A Helping Hand en Espanol
A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it. The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell.
He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, “What now?” The boy answered, “Now we run like crazy!”
06/30/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8750
Daily Joke: Poof, the light goes on en Espanol
An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, “George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”
George replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! the light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George’s wife. “Ethel,” he says, “George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof! the light goes off?”
Oh my God!” Ethel exclaims. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!
06/29/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8749
Daily Joke: Old Ghost Face en Espanol
Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, “Look at the window. There’s an old ghost’s face there!” The driver sped up, but the old man’s face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, “What do you want?”
The old man softly replied, “You got any tobacco?”
The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, “Step on it,” to the driver, rolling up the window in terror.
A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The driver said, “I don’t know what happened, but don’t worry; the speedometer says we’re doing 80 now.” All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.
“There he is again,” the passenger yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said, “Yes?”
“Do you have a light?” the old man quietly asked. The passenger threw a lighter out the window saying, “Step on it!”
They were driving about 100 miles an hour, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping.
“Oh my God! He’s back!” The passenger rolled down the window and screamed in stark terror, “WHAT NOW?”
The old man gently replied, “You want some help getting out of the mud?”
06/28/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8748
Daily Joke: Flower Note en Espanol
A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, “Rest in Peace.” The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new location!’”
06/26/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8747
Daily Joke: Drop Dead en Espanol
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O’Conner looks around and asks, “Oh, me boys, someone got’s to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be?”
They draw straws. Liam Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.
“Discreet??? I’m the most discreet Irishmen you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me”
Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares: “Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home”
“Tell him to drop dead!” says Murphy’s wife.
“I’ll go tell him.” says Gallagher.
Found this funny?
Receive a joke daily by subscribing below