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06/25/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8746
Daily Joke: Repairs en Espanol
A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more–would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.
One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly,
“Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?” Her husband snarled,
“What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?” and sat down on the sofa.
The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn’t work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, “Honey, the disposal won’t work. Would you try to fix it for me?” Once again, he growled, “What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?”
The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, “Honey, the washer isn’t running. Would you check on it?” And again was met with a snarl, “What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?
Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer. When her husband got home, she said, “Honey, I had the repairmen out today.” He frowned, “Well, how much is that going to cost?”
“Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them.” “Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?” he asked. She smiled. “What do I look like? Betty Crocker?”
06/24/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8745
Daily Joke: Four Friends en Espanol
Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.
The first guy says:
I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.
The second guy says:
Damn, that’s terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travelling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third guy says:
Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend.
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons.
The fourth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked:
What’s going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.
And then he asked, What about your son?
The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub. The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel!
The fourth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.
06/23/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8744
Daily Joke: Chick With Long Legs en Espanol
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and asks for their order. The man says, “I’ll have a beer.” He turns to the ostrich and asks, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a beer, too,” says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says, “That will be $3.40 please.”
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come in again, and the man says, “I’ll have a beer,” and the ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.” Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again.
“The usual?” asks the bartender.
“Well, it’s close to last call, so I’ll have a large scotch,” says the man.
“Same for me,” says the ostrich.
“That will be $7.20,” says the bartender. Once again, the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?” the bartender asks.
“Well,” says the man. “Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the bartender, “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.
The bartender asks, “One other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The man replies, “My second wish was for a chick with long legs.”
06/22/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8743
Daily Joke: Honest Love Affair en Espanol
A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a lovely young thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her and said, “Honey, before you leave, please let me explain.”
The wife stopped to listen.
He continued, “I was driving along the highway, and I saw this young girl looking very tired and bedraggled, so I offered her a lift. She was also hungry, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef in the refrigerator which you didn’t like”. “She was wearing some very worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of your shoes which you’d discarded simply because they were out of style. She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you for your birthday–the one you never wore because the colours didn’t suit you”. “Her slacks were torn, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but much too small for you now”.
The wife seemed to have no problem with any of this, but still needed just one question to be answered. “That’s all fine and good,” she said. “But why did I find you both in our bed with NO clothes on ?”
The husband replied, “Well, that’s simple……See, as she was about to leave the house, she turned to me and asked, “Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?”
06/21/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8742
Daily Joke: School en Espanol
mom: “wake up son, it’s time for you to go to school.”
son: “but mom, i don’t wanna go to school.”
mom: “give me 2 reasons why you don’t wanna go to school.”
son: “firstly, the students don’t like me.”
son: “secondly the teachers don’t like me.”
son: “give me 2 reasons why i should go to school?”
mom: “firstly, u are 52 years old, secondly, you’re the principal!”
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