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06/20/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8741
Daily Joke: Brazillion en Espanol
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”
OH NO! the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, How many is a brazillion?”
06/18/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8740
Daily Joke: Talking Dog en Espanol
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. “This dog can speak English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent.
“Okay, Sport,” the guys says to the dog, “What’s on the top of a house?” “Roof!” the dog replies.
“Oh, come on…” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof’.” “No, wait,” the guy says. He asks the dog, “What does sandpaper feel like?” “Rough!” the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending stare. He is losing his patience. “No, hang on,” the guy says. “This one will amaze you.” He turns and asks the dog: “Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?” “Ruth!” barks the dog.
The talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. The dog then turns to the guy and says, “Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?”
06/17/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8739
Daily Joke: A Foot And A Half en Espanol
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.”
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”
“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother,” all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.”
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. “Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!”
“Don’t worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take good care of you.”
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!”
“Stay here and stir the pasta,” says the mother.
“This is a job for Mama.”
06/16/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8738
Daily Joke: Costume en Espanol
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.
She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go the party.
In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
He replied, I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you’re not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to…….”
06/15/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8737
Daily Joke: Help Yourself With The Grass en Espanol
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road-side. He ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“Oh, well, you can come with me to my house,” instructed the lawyer.
“But, sir, I have a wife and two children with me!”
“Bring them along!” replied the lawyer.
He turned to the other man and said: “You come with us, too.”
“But I have a wife and six children,” the second man answered.
“Bring them as well” replied the lawyer.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says: “Sir you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The lawyer replied: “Glad to do it. You’ll love my place; the grass is almost a foot tall.”
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