Find any really funny jokes? Vote for them! When these jokes get a user rating above 3, they move into the general section. Your votes will make our “Best Jokes” section funnier than ever!
06/03/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8721
Daily Joke: Forest Fire en Espanol
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
“It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor.
As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!” The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
“Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low level passes.”
“Why?” asked the pilot.
“Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.
After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”
05/31/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8718
Daily Joke: Skip a Day en Espanol
A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The woman nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”
“No, from skipping.”
05/30/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8717
Daily Joke: On The Roof en Espanol
John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The catch was, though, pets weren’t allowed on the cruise. So John decided to leave his cat with his best friend, Al. Al agreed to come over to John’s house and live with his mom for the duration of the cruise. John told Al, “Just feed the cat three meals a day, and take good care of him. He’s my prize-winning cat!” And with that, he left. The next day, John phoned Al on his cell phone and asked, “How are things?”
To which Al responded, “Things are fine.”
“How’s Mom?”
“Mom’s fine.”
“How’s the cat?”
“The cat’s fine.” Satisfied, John hung up. Next day, John called Al again, asking the same questions.
“How are things?”
“Things are fine.”
“How’s Mom?”
“Mom’s fine.”
“How’s the cat?”
“The cat’s DEAD.”
“WHAT?!?” John was quite distressed. “How could you let it die? It was my prize cat!”
“Well, John, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t do anything, I didn’t see it. But what I think happened was that the cat was on the roof, fell off, and broke his leg. Then, he hobbled out into the road, and got run over.” John was cooling down a bit now, and said, “Well, couldn’t you have tried to break it to me over time? You could have said it bit by bit. For example, you could have first said ‘The cat’s on the roof’, then the next day said ‘The cat fell off the roof, and broke its leg’, see what I’m saying.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. See you later, John.”
“Ok… bye.” John hung up. The next day, John phoned Al again.
“How are things?”
“Things are fine.”
“How’s Mom?”
“Umh,” Al said, “Mom’s on the roof.”
Found this funny?
Receive a joke daily by subscribing below