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02/16/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8636
Daily Joke: That Settles It en Espanol
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. “I am the most beautiful person in the world,” proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.
“No, you’re not,” answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.
“I am the smallest person in the world,” shouted Tom Thumb.
“No, you’re not,” said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan.
“I’ve had more lovers than any person in the world,” announced Don Juan.
“No, you haven’t” replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming “I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so.”
In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: “I am the smallest person in the world, Merlin agrees.”
In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, “Who the hell is Bill Clinton?”
02/15/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8634
Daily Joke: Obituary Submission en Espanol
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.”
Confounded at the woman’s thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, “In that case, ‘Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale’.”
02/12/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8633
Daily Joke: Great Marriage en Espanol
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained. “She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts.” He continued, “She communicates well and I act like I’m listening.”
02/09/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8632
Daily Joke: Judi's New Ride en Espanol
Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?
At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn’t have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.
“That’s a lovely car,” said the mechanic. “What seems to be the matter?
Judi replied, “Well, it just conked out I’m afraid.”
“Let me have look.” He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.
“Thank goodness,” she said. “What was the matter?”
“Simple really, just crap in the carburetor,” he replied.
Looking shocked she asked, “Oh. How many times a week do I have to do that?”
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