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02/04/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8626

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.  The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and  they  begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”  Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the  chanting grows. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Two more blondes show up and soon  their voices are joined in raising the roof. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”  Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm.  She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table  erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging  high-fives, all the while chanting “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table.  There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the Cookie Monster.  When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the  bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?

 

 

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us.  So, we decided to set the record  straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. . .the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days ! ” 

Funny +263
-55 Not Funny
02/02/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8625

 Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.

When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?
Funny +189
-87 Not Funny
02/01/2013 from takoz
#8624

big dick

02/01/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8623

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.  “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.”  Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?”  Blonde: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.”  Psychiatrist: “Uh … How’s that working?”  Blonde: “Actually, I haven’t gotten any letters yet.”  Psychiatrist: “And why do you think that is?”  Blonde: “I figure it’s because when I’m driving around, my zip code keeps changing.”

Funny +168
-110 Not Funny
01/31/2013 from Daily Jokes
#8622

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness”.

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”

Funny +258
-73 Not Funny
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