Find any really funny jokes? Vote for them! When these jokes get a user rating above 3, they move into the general section. Your votes will make our “Best Jokes” section funnier than ever!
04/16/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8378
Daily Joke: Saving Lives en Espanol
New medical students were made to take an extremely difficult class in physics. One day the lecturer was discussing a particularly difficult concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we need to learn this stuff?” “To save lives,” the lecturer responded quickly and continued. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted. “It keeps idiots like you from graduating,” replied the lecturer.
04/13/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8377
Daily Joke: Caught Drunk Again en Espanol
A man staggered home late after another evening with his drinking buddies.
Shoes in left hand to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step in the darkened entryway. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.
A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing to suppress a yelp, he sprung up, pulled down his pants and examined his lacerated and bleeding cheeks in the mirror of a nearby darkened hallway, then managed to find a large full box of band aids before proceeding to place a patch as best he could on each place he saw blood.
After hiding the now almost empty box, he managed to shuffle and stumble his way to bed.
In the morning, he awakens with screaming pain in head and butt to find his wife staring at him from across the room, and hears her say: “You were drunk again last night!!!”
Forcing himself to ignore his agony, he looked meekly at her and replied:
“Now Hon, why would you say such a mean thing?”
“Well,” she said, “there is the front door left open, the glass at the bottom of the stairs, the drops of blood trailing through the house, and your bloodshot eyes but, mostly….it’s all those band aids stuck on the downstairs mirror!”
04/12/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8376
Daily Joke: Before it Starts en Espanol
A man comes into a bar and yells: “QUICK!!! Give me a glass of beer!!! Before IT gets started!!!” The bartender asks: “What started?! What are you talking about?!”
“No questions. Just give me the beer, faster!!!” He drinks the beer and screams again: “One more, hurry up!!! Before it gets started!!!”
“Before what gets started?” asked the bartender. “Never mind!!! Give me my beer!!!” He drinks the second glass and continues: “Third glass!!! Faster!!! Before it gets started!!! Do it!!!
Finally, the bartender asks: “Hey, pal. Are you gonna pay?” The man replies: “Damn, it started…”
04/11/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8375
Daily Joke: Drinks for Everyone en Espanol
A drunk goes into a bar. “Drinks for everyone, and one for you too.” he says to the bartender. The bartender serves everyone, including himself. “That’ll be fifty dollars, please.” I don’t have any money.” says the drunk. The bartender takes him outside and beats him up.
The next day the drunk comes back. “Drinks for everyone, including the bartender.” The bartender thinks to himself, he wouldn’t be so stupid to do the same thing again – he must have money this time, so he serves the drinks. But when he asks him to pay, the drunk tells him that he doesn’t have any money again. The bartender takes him outside and gives him a savage beating.
The next night, the same drunk comes in and tells the bartender to get a drink for everyone. “And not one for me tonight?” asks the bartender. “Nah,” says the drunk. “You get violent when you drink.”
04/09/2012 from Daily Jokes
#8374
Daily Joke: Night Off en Espanol
A wealthy man and his wife are going to a function, so they decide to give the butler the night off. However, a couple of hours later the wife was bored, so she leaves the party and goes home,only to find the butler sitting alone at the table. She orders the butler upstairs to her bedroom, where she locks the door. “Jeeves,” she commands, “take off my hat.” Jeeves promptly obeys. “Now, Jeeves,” she says, “take off my dress.” He obeys. “Now, Jeeves, please remove my underwear.” Breaking into a nervous sweat, Jeeves complies. “Now Jeeves,” the wife says, “if I should ever catch you wearing my clothes again…”
Found this funny?
Receive a joke daily by subscribing below