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12/14/2011 from Daily Jokes
#8257

Fearing that he would be late for an important business meeting in London, a motorist was beginning to panic because he couldn’t find a parking space. Street after street was full, and growing ever more desperate, he decided to seek help from the Almighty.

Looking up to Heaven, he said: “Lord, please help me out here. If you find me a parking space, I’ll give up drinking, and women, and go to Mass every Sunday.”

Then as he turned the corner, miraculously a parking space appeared.

He looked skyward again and said: “Never mind, I found one.”

Funny +232
-39 Not Funny
12/13/2011 from Daily Jokes
#8256

A woman was out driving when she stalled at a red light. Hard though she tried, she was unable to restart the engine and soon a long line began to form behind her. One of the male drivers was particularly impatient , sounding his horn continuously.

Finally, she got out of her car, walked over to the driver behind and said: “I can’t seem to get my car started. Would you be a sweetheart and see if you can get it started for me? I’ll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you.”

Funny +184
-62 Not Funny
12/13/2011 from Michael
#8255

Ques:  Why do they call it the “PRACTICE OF LAW”?

Ans:    Because no lawyer is ever bright enough to get it right.

Funny +93
-62 Not Funny
12/12/2011 from Daily Jokes
#8254

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have three possible donors. The first donor is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second donor is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. And, the third donor is an
attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?”

“I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the lawyer’s heart. “It was easy,” explained the patient, “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”

Funny +200
-45 Not Funny
12/12/2011 from Daily Jokes
#8253

One afternoon in the Arctic, a father polar bear and his polar bear son were sitting in the snow. The cub turned to his father and said: “Dad, am I 100 percent polar bear?”

“Of course, son” replied the father. “you are 100 percent polar bear”

A few minutes later the cub turned to his father again and said: “Dad, tell me the truth, I can take it. Am I 100 percent polar bear? No brown bear or black bear or grizzly bear?”

The father put a loving paw on the son’s head. “Son,” he said “I am 100 percent polar bear, your mother is 100 percent polar bear, so you are definitely 100 percent polar bear.”

The cub seemed satisfied, but a few minutes later he turned to his father and once more said: “Look, Dad, I don’t want you saying this just to spare my feelings. I have to know: am I 100 percent polar bear?”

By now the father is becoming distressed by the continual questioning and said: “Why do you keep asking if you are 100 percent polar bear?”

The cub replied: “Because I’m freezing!!!”

Funny +203
-78 Not Funny
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