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07/25/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18658
The car speed off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree and finally shuddered to a stop.
A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver out of the wreck.
“Good lord, mister,” he gasped,
“Are you drunk?”
Of course,” said the man, brushing the dirt from his suit.
“What the hell do you think I am…
A STUNT DRIVER?”
07/24/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18643
Little Johnny had to take care of his baby sister while his mum and dad went shopping.
To pass the time he decided to go fishing and reluctantly took his little sister along.
“I’ll never do that again”, Little Johnny said to his mum, “I didn’t catch a thing”!
His mum said “Oh, next time I’m sure your little sister will be quiet and not frighten the fish away”.
Little Johnny said,
“It wasn’t that. She ate all the fxxxing bait”.
07/23/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18641
A man and his wife are driving down the road when they hit a baby skunk.
“It’s still alive!” The wife exclaimed, looking back at the poor skunk.
“Alright, I’ll just go back and hit it again, put it out of its misery,” the husband replied.
“No don’t, it’s just a baby! We have to call the vet!”
The husband waits patiently while the wife gets out to talk to the vet.
“Is it bleeding?” The vet asked.
“No, but it’s shaking a lot.”
“That means it’s going into shock,” the vet concluded,
“Cover him up and bring him in as soon as you can.”
“But sir it’s 80 degrees out I don’t have a jacket or anything to cover him with,” the wife explained.
“Ok, just put him between your legs to keep him stable for the ride over.” The vet replied calmly
“What about the smell?” The wife asked.
“The smell? Just cover his nose!”
07/22/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18639
A couple was having quarrel in a lodge and the man calls the manager and says,
“I’m having an argument with my wife, and now she wants to jump out the window.”
“please come fast”
Manager: “I am sorry sir this is your personal issue,please solve it by yourself.”
Husband: “The window is not opening, this is not a personal issue this is a maintenance issue.
07/21/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18635
With all the new technology regarding fertility,
An 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently:
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” One of them asked.
“Not yet.” Said the mother.
“I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Another half-hour passed before another relative asked.
“May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet.” Said the mother.
A while later and again the guests asked.
“May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet.” Replied the mother.
Growing impatient, they asked.
“Well, when can we see the baby?”
“When it cries.” She told them.
“When it cries?” They gasped.
“Why do we have to wait until it cries?”
“Because I forgot where I put it.”