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07/30/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18676
It was Sunday and the preacher has just finished an inspiring church service when Rick,
The wealthiest man in town, stood up and asked to address the congregation.
The preacher wasn’t surprised at this.
“Just make it quick, Rick.” He sighs.
“Sure Father.” Said Rick.
He cleared his throat and addressed the audience:
“I can still recall the day when I earned my first dollar,” he began.
“That same evening, I attended a church meeting where the speaker talked about his humanitarian efforts.
At that moment, I had only that single dollar to my name, and I had to make a tough decision: give it to the speaker’s cause or keep it for myself.
“I chose to donate it all, and I truly believe that God blessed that decision, which is why I am a millionaire today.”he finished, a tear gleaming in his eye.
“Oh yea?” an old woman in the audience stood up,
“I dare you to do it again!”
07/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18673
Lying on his deathbed, an elderly man made his final request to his wife:
“Honey, I’m almost out of time and there’s something I’d like you to do for me when I’m gone.”
She nodded her head and said,
You can count on me. Anything you ask, I’ll make sure it’s done.”
“I want you to wed my buddy, Jacob,” he said, his voice filled with emotion.
Astonished, his wife replied,
“Jacob? But I thought you couldn’t stand him!”
He smiled and looked into her eyes as he answered,
“That’s precisely why…”
07/28/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18670
A bear walks into a bar.
The bartender is extremely busy and looks tired.
He eventually makes his way over to the bear.
The bear immediately tells him,
“You look exhausted.”
“Yeah, it’s been a rough day,” says the bartender,
“What are you drinking?”
“I’ll have a glass of…” says the bear. He waits a painfully long moment before adding “… scotch.”
“Why the long face?” asks the bartender.
“Don’t you mean “big pause”?” asks the bear.
“Yeah, sorry.” Sighs the Bartender.
“Like I said, it’s been a rough day.”
07/27/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18666
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over.
One of the bees says,
“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”
It works until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says,
“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”
It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says,
“Don’t worry, I’ll pee in the tank. It’ll get us a little further.”
But the man says,
“Don’t bother, she only runs on BP.”
07/26/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18661
Little Johnny: Hello Teacher, let me ask you a question.
Teacher: Okay.
Little Johnny: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: You can’t it’s too big.
Little Johnny: Wrong. All you have to do is open the fridge and put it in there.
Teacher: Hm. Okay then.
Little Johnny: Let me ask you another question. How do put a Donkey inside that fridge?
Teacher: Easy you just open the door and put it in there.
Little Johnny: Wrong again. You have to take the Elephant out first then put the Donkey in the fridge.
Teacher: Uh okay.
Little Johnny: Next question. If a Lion had a birthday party and all the animals went to it, what animal is missing?
Teacher: All of them because the Lion eats them.
Little Johnny: Wrong, the Donkey is missing because he’s still in the fridge.
Teacher: Are you kidding me?
Little Johnny: Okay last question. If you’re at a River and crocodiles live in it, how do you get across?
Teacher: You build a boat and float across. If you try to swim across you will be eaten.
Little Johnny: Nope. All you have to do is swim across because all the animals went to Lion’s birthday party.
Teacher: Get out.