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03/08/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18163
Two old guys, one 80 and the other 87 were sitting on a park bench one morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said,
“Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So on the way home the 80-year-old stops at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, “do you have any rye bread?”
She said, “yes, would you like some?”
The old guy said, yes, 5 loaves please.”
She said,
“my goodness 5 loaves! By the time you get to the third loaf, it’ll be hard.”
The old man says to himself, I can’t believe everybody knows about this!
03/07/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18158
Husband and wife went to see a marriage councillor,
After he had listened to a twenty minute tirade about how bad a husband he was, the councillor stood up, went round to his wife and embraced her and gave her a hug.
Then turned to husband and said..
“this is what your wife needs three times a week, can you manage that?”
Husband said..”
Well I can drop her off Mondays and Wednesday but I play golf on Fridays!
03/06/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18155
A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital.
She timidly asked,
“Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”
The operator said,
“I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”
The old lady in her weak, tremulous voice said,
“Norma Findlay, Room 302.”
The operator replied,
“Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
“I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal, and her
physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”
The old lady said,
“Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”
The operator replied,
“You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The old lady said,
“No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one ever tells me anything about how I’m doin’.
03/05/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18149
A husband and wife were dining at a 5-star restaurant.
When their food arrived, the husband said:
“Our food has arrived! Let’s eat!”
His wife reminded him:
“Honey, you always say your prayers at home before your dinner!”
Her husband replied:
“That’s at home, my dear. Here the chef knows how to cook…”
03/04/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18146
A herd of cows and two bulls are eating grass out in the pasture.
Suddenly, a great gust of wind comes ripping across the prairie and knocks all the cows to the ground.
But, the bulls just sway in the wind and continue eating.
When the wind quiets down, the cows stand up, brush off the dirt, and start eating again.
A bit later, one cow looks up just in time to see a tornado tearing through the pasture fence.
The tornado knocks the cows every which way, but the bulls just rock back and forth as they are buffeted.
When the cows get back on their feet and pick the straw out of their hide, they all walk over to the bulls.
One cow says,
“Why do we cows get knocked over by wind but you bulls keep standing?”
The two bulls laugh and reply,
“We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”