Find any really funny jokes? Vote for them! When these jokes get a user rating above 3, they move into the general section. Your votes will make our “Best Jokes” section funnier than ever!
03/03/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18142
A horse, a cow, and a chicken live on a farm.
One day their owner goes on vacation but accidentally leaves the TV on.
The animals peek in the window and witness a rock concert on the TV, they’re inspired.
So the horse calls up guitar centre and asks
“hey I want to learn the guitar, but there’s one problem: I’m a horse.”
The employee says “no problem come right down we’ll teach you everything you need to know” and before you know it, he’s jamming out on the guitar.
After that, the cow calls too and says
“hey I want to learn how to play the bass but there’s a problem: I’m a cow” to where the employee replies “awesome! We have special bass lessons just for cows this
week come on down!”
And before you know it the horse and cow are jamming in harmony with their guitar and bass.
Lastly the chicken calls and asks for drum lessons, to where he is accepted with open arms.
They are now all jamming in the barn and having a blast.
A few days later, a record producer coincidentally walks through town and sees the horse, cow, and the chicken making music.
He instantly knows he has to make them famous and offers them a deal.
Now the horse, cow, and chicken are famous, worldwide rockstars making millions of dollars and even moved off the farm to a luxurious estate.
With the fortune came fame and life were great.
One day, on the way to tour before boarding the plane, the horse gets a phone call, his mom is sick!
The cow and the chicken say “don’t worry we’ll go without you, catch up and the tour will continue it’ll be fine”
so the horse goes to check on his mother. It turns out it was a false alarm, but the plane crashes and the cow and chicken die.
The horse is devastated, the money power and fame are gone, the music is in the past, and he is back to the barn, but alone without his friends.
In agony and desperation after such a long journey, he decides to get a drink.
He walks into the bar and the bartender asks:
“Why the long face?”
03/02/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18139
Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course,
and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said,
“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”
He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,turned around and came back, explaining,
“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”
The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,turned around and walked back.
He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small World!”
03/01/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18136
A farmer comes home to find his sheepdog waiting for him.
The sheepdog says:
“I herded the sheep into the barn, just like you asked!”
“You sure you got them all?” The farmer replies.
“Yep! All 40 of them!” Says the sheepdog.
“40? But I only have 37 sheep.” Replies the farmer.
The sheepdog answers:
“I know. I rounded them up for you.”
02/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18132
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:
“Purebred Police Dog $25.”
Thinking that it to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, “How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?”
“Don’t let his looks deceive you, ma’am,” the man replied, “He’s in the Secret Service.
02/28/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18128
A little old man told his wife,
“I have to go to my doctor’s appointment now. I’ll see you later.”
After he left, his wife sat down on the couch and watched television.
A news report came on that someone was driving down the interstate highway in the wrong direction.
Knowing that that was the route he would be on, she called to warn him,
“Honey, there’s a car going in the wrong direction!”
The husband replied,
“They’re all going in the wrong direction!”