Jokes Library

Little Johnny and his family often travelled to visit his grandmother for meals during the holiday season and special events Easter Sunday, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

One day, Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house.

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.

When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

“Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.” said his mother.

“I don’t need to,” the boy replied.

“Of course, you do” his mother insisted.

“We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”

“That’s at our house,” Johnny explained.

“But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.”

A game show host is talking to a rabbit

The host looks at his question card.

“Okay, here is your first question: What is 7 plus 5?”

“Twelve”, replied the rabbit.

“That’s correct! Now for question 2: What is 56 minus 37?”

The rabbit thought for a moment. “Nineteen”

“That’s correct! Okay, now here is your grand prize question:

How much is 1,297 times 142?”

And without skipping a beat, the rabbit immediately replied,

“184,174, what else?”

The host is surprised.

“That’s correct! But tell me, how did you get the final answer so quickly?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” said the rabbit.

“If there’s one thing us rabbits can do, it’s multiply!”

A farmer had a problem with foxes stealing his chickens,
so he decided to get a guard dog.

He went to the pet shop and asked for a fierce dog that would protect his chickens.

The shopkeeper showed him a tiny Chihuahua and said,

“This is the best guard dog you can get.”

The farmer was sceptical and asked,

“How can this little thing guard my chickens?”

The shopkeeper said,

“Trust me, he’s very smart and very vicious. Just try it out.”

The farmer took the Chihuahua home and put him in the chicken coop.

The next morning, he went to check on his chickens and saw that all of them were gone.

He also saw the Chihuahua lying on the ground, covered in feathers and licking his lips.

The farmer was furious and shouted,

“You stupid dog! You ate all my chickens!”

The Chihuahua looked up at him and said,

“I told you I was a good guard dog. I just didn’t say who I was guarding them from.”

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor,

So he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey.

It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.

Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded,

“Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”

“Hi! My name is Gertrude,” said the lady next to him on the plane.

“It’s so nice to meet you! I’m flying to New York for my grandson’s third birthday. I’m so excited! I remember when he was just a little thumbkin and now he’s already three! It’s really hard to believe. He’s the most adorable thing you’ve ever seen! You know what? Hold on, I think I might have a picture on me. Let me take a look in my purse, yes, here it is, just look at him, isn’t he adorable?

Do you see the dimple on his left cheek? Simply adorable! I could stare at his picture all day. Oh my, and you should hear him on the phone! He is just the cutest, he says to me in the cutest voice

“Hi, Grandma!” It just gets me all teary-eyed.”

After what seemed like two hours for the poor man sitting next to her, Gertrude seemed to realize that perhaps she was talking a bit too much.

“You know, I feel terrible! Here I am just talking and talking without letting you get in a word edgewise! Tell me..what do you think about my Grandson!”