Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A young man was strolling down a street in South London. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting “Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen, thirteen” over and over again.

Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn’t. Then he spotted a knot in the wood, and put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting, “Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen, fourteen…”

A young boy walked up to his father and asked, “Dad, does a lawyer ever tell the truth?”

The father thought for a moment. “Yes, son. Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case.”

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court,” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no, no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

“The job notice posted at the Memphis State University placement office advertised for someone to set up a bookkeeping system for a local dinner theater that was filing for bankruptcy. When an eager first-year accounting student inquired, the interviewer told him that the company needed an advanced student capable of handling Chapter 11 proceedings. “”I’m sure I could do it,”” the student proclaimed confidently. “”My class is already up to chapter fourteen.”

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement in the local paper were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store’s opening time.

A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line:

“That does it! If they hit me one more time, I don’t open the store!”