Daily Joke: Jokes Library

yo mama so fat when she stood on the corner the police rode by they yelled out ok y,all break it up here.

Two old ladies were discussing their husbands. One said: “I do wish George would stop biting his nails. It’s such a horrible habit.”

Her friend said: “My Arnold used to do the same. But I eventually cured him of it.”

“How did you do that?”

“I hid his teeth!”

An old man was asleep in his chair one afternoon when he was awoken by the sound of the doorbell. He shuffled to the door and when he opened it, he saw a beautiful young womanstanding there.

“Oh dear!” she said. “I’m at the wrong house.”

“Sweetheart, you’re at the right house,” the old guy assured her, “but you’re about 40 years too late!”

A Navy officer was walking through the crew’s quarters of his ship one day and chanced upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on a table.

“Sailor!” the officer boomed. “Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?”

“No, sir,” replied the sailor, “but we don’t land airplanes on the roof either!”

The conductor turned to the violin student and said: “You should have taken up the violin earlier”

“Why?” asked the student. “Do you think the practice would have made me really good?”

“No,” said the conductor. “But you might have given up by now.”