Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A woman answered the front door to find a workman standing on the porch and carrying a box of tools.

“I’m the piano tuner ma’am” he announced.

“But I didn’t send for a piano tuner.”

“I know, but the neighbors did!”

A little boy thanked his grandfather for the set of drums he bought him for his birthday. “They’re the best present I’ve ever had,” he said. “They’ve already made me $80.”

“Wow!” said the grandfather. “You must have learned to play them real good!”

“Not really,” said the boy. “But Mom gives me $5 not to play during the day, an Dad gives me $5 not to play in the evening.”

After hearing a sermon about lies and deceit, a man wrote the IRS: “I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I have reviewed my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $900. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest.”

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lick-A-Lotta-Puss!!!

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Lap-A-Lotta-Dong!!!

Two women were talking at a party. One said: “My brother-in-law is a real Renaissance Man.”

“Why, because he has a broad area of knowledge and is an expert in a number of fields?”

“No. Because he looks as if he was born 500 years ago.”