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01/12/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15590
A man & his 4yo son were walking together one day and stumbled across 2 dogs having sex.
“Why is that dog hurting the other one?” asked the boy.
“He’s not hurting her,” said the dad “they’re making a puppy.”
A couple of nights later the boy walks in on his dad & mom making love and asks “Daddy why are you hurting mommy?”
“I’m not hurting mommy ” said the dad, “We’re making you a baby brother.
“Excitedly the boy screamed “Flip her over, I’d rather have a puppy.”
01/11/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15588
Mr. Johnson boarded a plane to New York City.
He was about to sit down in the aisle seat he had booked when he saw a blonde woman sitting in his seat.
“Wh-what are you doing?!” sputtered Mr. Johnson.
“I specifically booked this seat!
Why aren’t you sitting in your seat?!”
The blonde woman replied, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, and I’m sitting in this aisle seat until this plane lands in New York City.”
Angrily, Mr. Johnson snatched the blonde’s ticket out of her hand. It was for the middle seat.
“Your ticket says you’re supposed to be sitting in this middle seat!” he shouted.
“I specifically booked this aisle seat because I’m six-foot-five and I hate the cramped spaces of airplane seats! Meanwhile, you don’t seem to be any taller than five-foot-one. You should be able to handle the middle seat just fine!”
He showed the blonde his ticket to prove that he had, indeed, booked the aisle seat.
Again, the blonde woman replied, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, and I’m sitting in this aisle seat until this plane lands in New York City.””
You’d better listen to that guy,” said the woman sitting in the window seat.
“I once dated a guy who was six-foot-one, four inches shorter than that guy, and he always sat in the aisle seat because he hated the cramped spaces.”
For the third time, the blonde woman replied, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, and I’m sitting in this aisle seat until this plane lands in New York City.”
Mr. Johnson was now furious. He told a nearby flight attendant about the blonde in his seat.
The flight attendant whispered something in the blonde’s ear, and the blonde sheepishly moved into the middle seat.
A relieved Mr. Johnson sat in the aisle seat.
As soon as the plane had landed, Mr. Johnson asked the flight attendant, “What did you tell that woman?”
“I told her that the aisle seat wasn’t going to New York City.”
01/10/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15584
A guy was in an elevator one day & noticed an attractive woman running to make it before the door closed.
He held the door for her to get in and then politely asked her “what floor?” “
3rd floor” she replied, “ I come here once a month to donate blood & they pay me $50”
“That’s a coincidence” said the guy because I come here once a month myself, donate semen & they pay me $200”.
Just then the elevator door opened & the woman stepped out.
The next month the guy was in the same elevator & noticed the same woman running to make it in.
He held the door and as she stepped in he said “I remember you, 3rd floor right?”
With her mouth completely full she looked at him & said “mph, mph, fif floor.”
01/09/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15582
A guy who has a bad stutter goes to the doctor, he says “ doccttrr I have ttttoo gettt rid ooooff my stttuter ccccan you hhhhelp me?
”The doctor says okay let’s do a complete physical on you and see what we find.
The guy takes off his clothes and he’s got a huge mickey, the doctor says that’s the problem right there!
That p3n!s is so big it’s pulling on your vocal chords and causing the stutter, we have several smaller transplants we can choose from and remove the big one.
So the guy agrees and has the surgery, a month later he goes back to see the doctor and says “ hey doc I can speak fantastically with no stutter, but my wife isn’t satisfied so I need my old roger back.
The doctor says “ ffffVck yyyou”
01/08/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15577
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer.
She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.
The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?
“The blonde replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”