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14 Shares
06/21/2020 from DailyJokes
#13149


I was in the airport VIP lounge in route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, “Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sitting right over there,” pointing to my seat at the bar, “and I’m waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, ‘Hi, Ray,’?”

“Sure.”

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.

“Hi, Ray,” he said.

I replied, “Get lost Gates, I’m in a meeting.”

Funny +84
-53 Not Funny
06/20/2020 from DailyJokes
#13121

Little Johnny runs into the bathroom just as his mother is stepping out of the shower and curiously points to her triangle of hair and asks: “Mommy what’s that?”

Somewhat flustered she quickly replies: “Well dear that is my sponge.” Content with her answer off he goes…

Later he runs into the living room and asks “Mommy may I play with your sponge?”

Again his mother is flustered and quickly states “Why, no you may not, I lost it.”

O.K. this pacifies him and back out to play.

Later Johnny races into the kitchen yelling “Mommy I found the sponge, I found the sponge.”

Confused the mother asks “You did and where did you find it?”

Johnny proudly stated “The maid is got it and she is washing Daddy’s face with it.”

Funny +141
-34 Not Funny
06/19/2020 from DailyJokes
#13115

 

Bill and Doug were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.

“What’s the matter?” asked Bill of his buddy. “You look kind of down.”

“My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because it’s brief, unexpected and usually a disaster.”

Funny +96
-41 Not Funny
06/18/2020 from DailyJokes
#13109
In The Elevator en Espanol

A blonde and a brunet are getting in the elevator, along comes this really hot guy.

The girls noticed he has a really bad dandruff problem.

The brunet whispers to the blonde, “Someone should give him head and shoulders.”

And the blonde says, “How do you give shoulders?”

Funny +128
-29 Not Funny
06/17/2020 from DailyJokes
#13107

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. “Tim, you be first,” she said. “What does your mother do all day?”

Tim stood up and proudly said, “She’s a doctor.”

“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amie?”

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, “My father is a mailman.”

“Thank you, Amie,” said the teacher. “What about your father, Billy?”

Billy proudly stood up and announced, “My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks.”

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy’s house and rang the bell. Billy’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy’s father said, “I’m actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?”

Funny +78
-28 Not Funny
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