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03/19/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9010
Daily Joke: The River en Espanol
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: “Shall We Gather at the River.”
03/18/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9009
Daily Joke: My Mother Taught Me en Espanol
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. “Yes?” replied the teacher.
“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
03/17/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9008
Daily Joke: Old Couple Pulled Over en Espanol
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
“Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
“He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled.
The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?”
The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?”
The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!”
The woman then gave the officer her license.
“I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?”
The old man replied, “He said he knows you!”
03/16/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9007
Daily Joke: Retired en Espanol
An urbanite retired and moved to the country. Every morning he put on his denims and a straw hat and made every effort to become a country gentleman.
One day an old friend came to visit him from the city. As he was showing him around the farm they came to the gentle-man’s pride and joy…a fine-looking horse.
“Yes sir,” said the gentleman, “I go for a buggy ride almost every morning. How about I hitch up old Sea Biscuit and we go for a ride?”
“Suits me.” answers the friend.
The gentleman started to harness the horse, but the animal resisted having the bit put in his mouth. It was obvious that the new farmer had no idea how to harness a horse, and after the tenth attempt to get the horse to open its mouth, the guest said, “Why don’t you wait until he yawns?”
03/15/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9006
Daily Joke: Anti-Drug en Espanol
My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it.
My wife frantically swept through my daughter’s room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter.
That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt. On one side it said, “Families are Forever.” And on the other, “Be Smart, Don’t Start.”
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