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03/14/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9005
Daily Joke: Baseball Lover en Espanol
Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. For their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.
One fall night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankees victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob’s voice from beyond. “Bob is that you?” Earl asked.
“Of course it me,” Bob replied.
“This is unbelievable!” Earl exclaimed. “So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?”
“Tell me the good news first.”
“Well, the good news is that, yes, there is baseball in heaven, Earl.”
“Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?”
“You’re pitching tomorrow night.”
03/13/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9004
Daily Joke: Door to door salesman en Espanol
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“&&** off!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money” and she tried to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse poop all over her hallway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse poop from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”
“Well,” she said, “I hope you’ve got a mighty good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning.”
03/12/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9003
Daily Joke: Afternoon bike ride en Espanol
It was Kelly and Patrick giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day.
After a wee bit, Kelly who was sitt’n behind Patrick on the bike began to holler …”Patrick … Patrick … the wind is cutt’n me chest out!”
“Well, Kelly my lad,” said Patrick, “why don’t you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back … that’ll block the wind for you.”
So Kelly took Patrick’s advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again.
After a bit, Patrick turned to talk to Kelly and was horrified to see that he was not there. Patrick immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route.
When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Kelly who was sitting on the ground. “T’anks be to heaven, is he alright?” Patrick hailed to the farmers.
“Well,” said one of the farmers, “he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn’t said a word since!”
03/11/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9002
Daily Joke: Nice Day For A White Wedding en Espanol
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother explained, keeping it simple.
The child thought for a moment and said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”
03/10/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9001
Daily Joke: Contempting Proposition en Espanol
A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return.
“What for?” he snapped at the judge.
His Honor, equally irked by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared, “Twenty dollars contempt of court. That’s what for!”
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge said, “It’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”
The young man replied, “I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words!”
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