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12/16/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9285
Daily Joke: Safe to swim here? en Espanol
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,”Are there any gators around here?!”
“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”
“Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,”How’d you get rid of the gators?”
“We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said.
“The sharks got ’em.”
12/15/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9284
Daily Joke: I will do anything to pass en Espanol
A student comes to a young professor’s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.
“I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “…I would do…anything.”
He returns her gaze. “Anything?”
“Anything.”
His voice softens. “Anything??”
“Absolutely anything.”
His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you…study?”
12/14/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9283
Daily Joke: A Elderly Man en Espanol
A elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest,
“Father, I’m 80 years old, married, have four kids and eleven healthy grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18 year old girls. I made love with both of them… twice.”
The priest said, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?”
“Never Father… I’m Jewish.”
“So then, why are you telling me?”
“I’m telling everybody!”
12/12/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9281
Daily Joke: Two Wishes From God en Espanol
A man got two wishes from God
He asked for the best drink and the best woman ever
The next morning he got mineral water & mother Teresa.
12/11/2014 from Daily Jokes
#9280
Daily Joke: Three Turtles en Espanol
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide to go on a picnic.
So Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone’s exhausted.
Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says, “Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener.”
“I didn’t bring the bottle opener,” Steve says. “I thought you packed it.”
Joe gets worried. He turns to Raymond. “Raymond, do you have the bottle opener?” Naturally, Raymond doesn’t have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda.
Joe & Steve beg Raymond to turn back home and retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refuses, knowing that they’ll eat everything by the time he gets back.
After about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Raymond to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles’ graves that they won’t touch the food. So, Raymond sets off down the road, slow and steadily.
Twenty days pass, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise.
Another day passes, and still no Raymond, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Raymond in sight,
Steve starts getting restless. “I NEED FOOD!” he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. “NO!” Joe retorts. “We promised.”
Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Raymond probably skipped out to the diner down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat.
But then, right at that instant, Raymond pops out from behind a rock, and says, “I knew it!, I’m not going now!”
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