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08/14/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18729
There was an old lady who was very small
Her name was Reanne but everyone called her Re.
After a while Re died of old age and the whole town was dismayed.
Re was so small that her family didn’t bury her and instead later her to rest in a flower.
When the town folks came by to pay their respects they were surprised that instead of an old lady in the flower they saw a tiny baby looking around.
When the townsfolk asked the family they simply responded:
“That’s normal, that’s just Re in carnation”
08/13/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18727
A pig walks into a bar and orders ten beers.
As soon as the pig is finished drinking the beers,
he pays the bartender and starts to leave the bar.
“Wait!” says the bartender.
“You drank so much beer. Wouldn’t it be wise to use the bathroom before leaving?”
“Not for me,” says the pig.
“I’m the type of pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home.”
08/12/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18725
A man goes to confess that he’d stolen someone’s cow.
He was very much wracked with guilt in his confession.
The priest forgave him in God’s name, but added that in a secular sense, he still needs to return the cow.
The thief asks,
“Will you take the cow, then, Father?”
The priest says,
“No my son, I cannot accept.”
The confessor thief leaves.
Hours later, the priest clocks off and returns home.
Only to realize… his cow was missing.
08/11/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18722
A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it’s
sitting in the seat next to him.
He thinks it’s unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it’s not a distraction he won’t mention it.
The movie starts and pretty soon there’s a funny part.
The dog makes some low woofing sounds that seem like laughter.
In a little while there’s a sad part and the dog appears to be weeping.
This continues throughout the film and the man sitting behind the dog is astounded.
When the lights come up he taps the dog’s owner on the shoulder and tells him,
“I gotta say, and I know it sounds weird, but it seemed like your dog really enjoyed this movie.”
The dog owner looks at the dog and nods.
“I know, it really is weird,” he says,
“because he absolutely hated the book.”
08/10/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18719
A guys walking down the street with a bag of rabbit droppings,
he runs into one of his friends who asks what’s in the bag.
Guy says “Smart Pills,”
his friend says
“Gimme one of them Smart Pills,”
then reaches in the bag without hesitating what his friend says and pops a handful of them in his mouth before his friend say something.
He looks at the guy and says
“These smart pills taste like uhghhhh,”
guy says
“You’re getting smarter already.”