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01/01/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21638
A travel agent glanced up from his desk and noticed an elderly lady and gentleman standing outside his shop window, gazing at the posters of glamorous destinations from around the world.
He’d been having a great week, and seeing the rather downcast couple stirred an unexpected wave of generosity.
Calling them inside, he said,
“I know that living on a pension, a holiday like this would normally be out of reach. So I’m sending you to a fabulous resort—on me—and I won’t take no for an answer.”
He ushered them in, instructed his secretary to issue two plane tickets, and booked them into a five-star hotel.
Naturally, they accepted with delight and soon set off on their adventure.
About a month later, the little old lady returned to the shop.
“And how was your holiday?” the agent asked eagerly.
“The flight was thrilling, and the room was beautiful,” she replied.
“I just came to thank you—but there’s one thing that puzzled me…”
“Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?”
12/31/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21634
A blonde wanders into an empty bar on New Year’s Eve and asks the bartender if she can use his phone to wish her family back in St. Louis a happy New Year.
“Well,” the bartender says, “rates are pretty steep on New Year’s. I’ll need a couple of dollars.”
“Oh no,” she sighs. “I don’t have a penny. This is my first holiday away from my family—what am I supposed to do?”
The bartender thinks for a moment, then smiles. “Why don’t you step back here behind the bar? I’m sure we can figure something out.”
Grateful, the blonde hurries behind the bar just as the bartender unzips his fly. Gesturing downward, he says, “Alright, sweetheart, just put your mouth up to this.”
Eager to comply, she kneels down, leans in, and innocently says, “Hello, Mom?”
12/30/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21625
An elderly couple from Arizona, both in their late 80s, visited a relationship therapist.
The doctor asked, “How can I help you?”
The husband replied, “Would you mind watching us have intercourse?”
Surprised but curious—given their age—the therapist agreed.
After they finished, the doctor said, “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how you’re doing it.” He thanked them, wished them well, charged $50, and sent them on their way.
The following week, the couple returned and made the same request. Though puzzled, the doctor agreed again.
This went on for several weeks. Each time, the couple booked an appointment, had intercourse without issue, paid the fee, and left.
After three months, the doctor finally asked, “I have to know—what exactly are you trying to find out?”
The man replied, “Nothing at all. She’s married, so we can’t go to her place. I’m married, so we can’t go to mine.
The Holiday Inn costs $98. The Hilton charges $139. Here it’s $50—and best of all, Medicare covers $43 of it.”
12/29/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21621
A frog hops into a bank and approaches the teller. From her nameplate, he sees her name is Patricia Whack.
“Miss Whack,” the frog says, “I’d like a $30,000 loan to go on holiday.”
Patty stares at him in disbelief and asks for his name.
“Kermit Jagger,” he replies. “My dad’s Mick Jagger—and it’s fine, I know the bank manager.”
Patty explains that a loan like that requires collateral.
“No problem,” says the frog, pulling out a tiny, perfectly made porcelain elephant—bright pink and barely an inch tall.
Completely baffled, Patty tells him she’ll need to check with the manager and heads to the back office.
She says, “There’s a frog named Kermit Jagger out there who says he knows you and wants to borrow $30,000. He’s offering this as collateral.” She holds up the little pink elephant. “What on earth is this supposed to be?”
The manager looks at it, smiles, and says:
“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
12/28/2025 from Daily Jokes
#21618
An atheist grew increasingly upset during the Christmas season and decided to take legal action. He filed a lawsuit arguing that Christians and Jews enjoyed numerous religious holidays, while atheists had none to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge.
After hearing a lengthy and impassioned argument from the atheist’s attorney, the judge struck his gavel and announced, “Case dismissed.”
The lawyer immediately objected.
“Your Honour, how can you dismiss this case? Christians have Christmas, Easter, and many other observances. Jews celebrate Passover, Yom Kippur, and Hanukkah. Yet my client, and all atheists, have no holiday at all.”
The judge leaned forward and calmly replied, “It seems your client is simply unaware of his own holiday.”
The lawyer scoffed. “Your Honour, we know of no such holiday for atheists. When exactly would that be?”
The judge answered, “It occurs every year on the same date. Psalm 14:1 says, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’
So if your client claims there is no God, the Bible defines him as a fool.
That makes April Fool’s Day his holiday. Court is adjourned.”