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01/21/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21714
An elderly couple had been married for decades, despite thoroughly despising one another. Whenever they argued, the entire street could hear the shouting. The old man would often bark, “When I die, I’ll dig my way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
One night, he suddenly passed away and was buried. His wife wasted no time celebrating, heading straight to the local pub and partying like there was no tomorrow. Much to her horror, the very next day the old man reappeared—having actually dug his way out of his grave.
Before long, they were right back to arguing as usual.
A few years later, the man died again. Once more, the old woman went out celebrating, just as she had the first time. The neighbours asked if she thought he would return to haunt her again.
“I don’t think so this time,” she replied. “I had the old fool buried upside down.”
01/20/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21711
Two Irish nuns had just arrived in the United States by boat. As they disembarked, one turned to the other and said, “I’ve heard that people here actually eat dogs.”
“Well,” her companion replied, “if we’re going to live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”
With a decisive nod, the Mother Superior pointed toward a hot dog stand nearby, and the two made their way over.
“Two dogs, please,” one of them requested.
The vendor happily wrapped the hot dogs in foil and handed them over. The nuns hurried to a bench, eager to try this American custom.
The Mother Superior unwrapped hers first. Her face slowly turned red as she examined it. After a brief pause, she leaned over and whispered to the other nun, “Which part did you get?”
01/19/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21708
Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary:
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered by Medicare
FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
01/18/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21705
A well-dressed, articulate husband and wife visit an adoption agency, hoping to adopt a child. The social workers are impressed—until the couple mention that they run a circus.
That gives the staff pause. A circus sounds unstable: animals, constant travel, an unusual environment. Concerns arise about whether it’s suitable for raising a child.
In response, the couple show photos of their 55-foot motorhome—immaculate, well maintained, and complete with a spacious, spotless nursery. Reassured, the social workers then ask about the child’s education.
“No problem,” the husband says. “We’ve hired a full-time tutor to cover all standard subjects, plus French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”
Still cautious, the social workers voice concerns about a child growing up in a circus atmosphere.
The wife smiles. “Our nanny is fully certified in pediatric care, child welfare, nutrition, and exercise—everything a child needs.”
Satisfied at last, the social workers ask, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”
The husband replies, “It doesn’t really matter—as long as they fit in a cannon.”
01/17/2026 from Daily Jokes
#21702
A young woman fell on hard times and began working as a prostitute. For obvious reasons, she kept this hidden from her family. One day, the police raided the brothel and arrested several of the women, including her.
They were told to stand in a line along the sidewalk. To her horror, her elderly grandmother happened to be walking past the scene. The young woman panicked.
Her grandmother spotted her and asked kindly, “What are you lining up for, dear?”
Not wanting to reveal the truth, the young woman quickly replied that people were giving away free oranges and she was waiting to get some.
“Oh, how nice,” her grandmother said. “I’ll have one too,” and she joined the back of the line.
As a police officer moved down the queue questioning each woman, he eventually reached the grandmother and looked puzzled.
“But you’re so old,” he said. “How do you manage?”
The grandmother smiled and replied, “Oh, it’s quite simple, son. I just take out my dentures and open wide.”